I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize