i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
