You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just threw up on my dentist
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
