it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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