I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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