My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
