I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
