THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
