his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
