Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
