Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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