It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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