I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
