he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
