I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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