I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
