Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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