question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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