thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
