i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
