If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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