My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Mom said you looked used
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
