He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
