My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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