I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
