I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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