Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
