Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
