And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
