I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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