Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
