How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
