Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
sex in a hospital.. check
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
