I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
