now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize