Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I touched a dick in church today
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
