His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
