The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize