Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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