I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
