can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
