you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
