I puked a lego.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
