my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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