what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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