I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
