I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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