My friends, they love my intelligence
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize