so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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