Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
