you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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