that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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