worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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