She is in my trunk
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
