just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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