I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
