It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize