Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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