We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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