The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
