marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
