I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
