I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize