it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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