Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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