i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
