I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
