put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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