i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He did a backflip because drugs
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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