My balls are so social today.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
