considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
