problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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