i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just want nice things and good sex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
