My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
