I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
