I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
