and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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