Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize